walk the line

I have my good days and bad days. I have my good nights and bad nights.

This was a good night. This was a great night.

Its been a while...

I have been hired by Constellation- finally! They hired me a few weeks ago, and my official starting date was December 17th. Now I'm making more money plus really great benefits. I'm still doing the same job, and it is not glamorous at all, and definitely not what I want to be doing long term, but at the moment it is okay. Doors continually open there so I feel like the Lord wants me there.

Grad school is most likely not happening in the Fall. Besides the fact that I have not done one thing to apply anywhere I am just not ready to make the commitment; financially and mentally. I still am not sure what I want to do exactly. I still am thinking counseling, but that is vague. Where exactly do I want to work and doing what? I have been lazy pretty much since graduation about figuring this out, but I really need to take the next year plus to get things straight. I will be able to get things straight...well thats the plan, God willing.

Another thing I've been thinking about recently? Taking a trip to Europe. I do not think that this will happen this year, in fact I know it won't. I'm still financially in the hole and needing to take care of some debt before shelling out money for a trip. But I want to plan everything this year- figure out the cost, start saving, start looking out places. I'm shooting for the Spring of 2009 to go. I've always wanted to go and now is the time.

I need to start doing things, not just thinking and talking about them, but actually do them. I have so many regrets already and I'm only 24. Not regrets actually, more like "Why don't I do so and so? What is stopping me." I won't live forever, I won't always be young. Now is the time to do what I want to do. I'm young, I'm free, I need to start acting like it and not always thinking that my life is already set in stone.

So that is my goal in 2008, to do the things that I want to and need to do. To stop procrastinating, to stop making excuses, to stop being afraid and hesitating when I have no reason to. To live.

Here's to 2008...

I would fall hard. There would be no bringing me back, no resuscitating me. I would be a beyond a mess if it fell apart.

Do I fall? I've held off for so long, hanging by a thread, waiting for the cut to come, waiting for the rush of air against my face, waiting for God's voice to lead me into this. I cannot lack patience, not now, not when I am so close.

Hang on. Wait. Wait on the Lord. Wait for His timing. It will happen if it is suppose to. Wait. Wait.